放開了,某些事

或許是深夜的影響吧?讀著一些文章,聽著音樂,心中有些東西似乎散去了。

時間總是不等人的,恢復與否還是得看自己。我呢?我選擇讓自己忙碌,忙碌到無暇去難過。然後在經歷過不少事後,走到了現在這一步。

這段期間內,我時不時會被回憶衝擊。發生的當下也只能裝沒事,同時控制好自己的情緒,以防陷入莫名低落,但充其量也只是表面功夫罷了。

不過也沒關係了。

能在今年結束前,放下一些事情與情緒,我想也是種幸運。

真的,不用再回頭了。

感謝自己能走到現在這一步,沒有因為低落而打敗自己。

感謝發生過的曾經,讓我走上了我該走的路。

雖然還是不想跟某些人事物扯上關係,但也只是因為看清了某些事。對於這點,我也抱持著感謝。

好了,繼續前進吧。

追夢,真的很累。

這大概會是一篇充斥胡言亂語的網誌。

最近一直試圖讓自己忙碌,去掩埋因生活而造成的煩躁與擔憂。

表面上,可能看起來是快樂的吧。

事實上也不是不快樂,但也不是只有快樂。

原本以為會有後續的工作就這樣沒了音訊,接下來的日子就一直在找工作度過中。不斷的找尋機會,發佈消息及投遞履歷。然後可能獲得一個面試的機會,以為這次會不一樣。

事實證明,絕對不會是如此。

雖然確實多了一個新的機會,但這個機會也才剛起步,還得看接下來的發展才能定論。而這最需要的就是時間。

時間啊,我正是缺時間呢。

有時候跟幾個朋友聊天,他們會覺得我有膽量去追求我的夢想,是一件很了不起的事。或許聽起來很棒,可是真正的挑戰,是心理壓力。

每天睡到自然醒,是很多人夢寐以求的事。但我卻是因為晚上又睡又醒,然後白天沒有工作,才能如此過生活。至於為何又醒又睡,當然就是因為擔心找不到工作。於是就這樣,形成了一個循環。

醒來吃過飯後,我通常就得坐在電腦前,開始搜尋工作空缺。一頁又一頁的求職網頁,一則又一則的徵才佈告,看得我心裡都煩躁。

幸運的話,我會看到幾個我能做的工作,或是我有興趣的工作。我會投個履歷,打出一篇誠懇的電子郵件,然後寄出。接下來就是拜託老天爺給我個機會。

到了這時,我也差不多到了極限。根據日子的不同,我會出門去練舞或參加彈唱表演,以紓解一下煩躁的心情。這也是個跟朋友聚一聚的好機會。至少在那時,我不用擔心太多。

回到家後,再繼續看一下求職網站,有辦法的話再投個履歷。最後給自己一點時間聽聽音樂,或許再練一下琴,就得洗洗睡了。一切如此週而復始,等待著。

有時候會覺得,要是自己當初選擇一個技能性專業,例如會計或電子工程之類的科系,是否就不會需要擔憂這麼多?我就會有穩定收入,然後一點都不用擔心經濟問題。

不過,就算有了那樣的工作,可能還是會有煩惱。畢竟,we always see what we don’t have。更不用說我完全無法對這類工作提起任何熱情。

追尋夢想?嗯,聽起來很酷,很有自我。

實際上呢?真他媽的有壓力。

做任何事都很累,所以千萬別以為這樣的我就完全不會累。

 

An Open Letter.

Hey, how are you?

The most cliche opening ever, right?

But I feel that sometimes the most cliche lines are the most genuine ones, don’t you?

Of course you’d agree, you’re me.

Recently, you re-covered a song you first did three years ago. Back then, you were almost 23, just somewhat recovered from a horrible heartbreak. You felt betrayed, lost, angry, and disappointed.

You shifted a lot of focus onto music, just so all of your feelings have an exit. You don’t like to be depressed, despite it being part of your emotional nature. So you try hard to be happy.

Three years later, so many things have happened to you, both good and bad.

The same song that you started out with became one of your signature covers, after singing it for the millionth time (roll eyes). You became a street dancer, performed at open mics, met new people, acted in multiple short videos and short films, and fell in love.

But you also experienced heartbreak, loss of family, disappointments, and (non-clinical) depression. You’ve also made stupid mistakes, hurt people, and let people down as well. Life isn’t all sweets and roses, obviously.

Still, you’ve made it past everything, you’ve learned to embrace the bad and cherish the good, and you’re working to become a better version of you every day, little by little.

You might not have done everything right, and you still have a lot to improve on, but you’re working on it, and that’s what matters.

Your New Year’s Resolution was to become better every day, I guess you’re not doing too bad, huh?

Keep it up, and hopefully three years later, you’ll be singing something new, maybe something you wrote yourself!

Remember, there’s still so much ahead of you, so don’t stand in one place for too long. Keep moving forward, and Godspeed.

Best of luck,

Albert

 

 

 

Start 開始

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I haven’t written a blog in the longest time. Right now, it’s mostly because my life is somewhat mundane and repetitive. No one wants to hear about how I woke up, went to school, got off school, went home, did homework, and went to bed (with meals in between, obviously).

However, I’ve went through quite a bit these last few weeks. I’m not going to go deep into it, at least not now, and certainly not here. But one thing is certain: my emotions and thoughts are pouring out right now. Ever since I concluded my #100DaysOfInsta project, I’ve felt somewhat bottled up. Writing suddenly became an outlet, something to pour my emotions into. Whether it’s song lyrics, short essays, or just simple phrases, it all results from my emotions.

I’ve always enjoyed writing, but I’ve never considered myself good at it. It’s always been my little “hobby" on the side, while I focused more on music and performing. I guess as the years progressed, my grasp on using words and phrases have increased, and all the random writing I did somewhat polished my skills as well.

So this brings me here: this blog.

I will be writing whatever I want here. The first few posts would probably focus on love and relationships, with further expansion into other topics like life experiences, music, movies, culture, etc. I will also alternate between Mandarin and English. This will be a new start.

The last chapter of my life ended on a bad note. Now, let me start a new one, since we all get a clean slate tomorrow. And boy, do I need mine.